I felt really homesick while at work today. I don’t know why I was so emotionally-fuelled, but it was the slight whiff of what I thought was Ramly burger while walking home along Hathersage Road last night.
Today while I was proofing the Penang guide, I heard the sound of a lion dance, the clanging cymbals and the beating drums. I don’t know why but I just wanted to cry.
Days ago, it was talking to a colleague about missing the sounds of the azan call from the mosque in the mornings. She said I was crazy.
Green-grassing and nostalgia are negative feelings, in the sense that it makes one constantly unhappy with the status quo. But I must be honest with myself and say that I do feel a wave of excitement at the thought of moving back to Asia.
I always knew that being in the UK was going to be temporary, but can I really trust a claim based on volatile emotions? I don’t want to say A today and B tomorrow.
Truths in tension
I’m holding two truths in tension – to stay or to go. The unchanging truth, of course, is that my God has a plan and purpose for me (Jeremiah 29:11). He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). He holds my hand, plans my future and commands my destiny.
My spirit is wild with excitement, but there is a hint of fear, nostalgia and adventure all bundled into one. I feel like I’m at a crossroads, and I’m holding my breath.